It was first day of the mid-year exams and
therefore I finished school a little earlier. I
called him,
“Hey, I finished school earlier today, would you
come by and pick me up?”
“Alright, give me five minutes.”
“Five minutes? But my school is just beside your
house.”
“I need to get ready.”
“Alright, make it fast then.”
It was 2 p.m. in the afternoon and the sun was
extremely hot. I stood under a shaded tree and
fanned myself. Although it doesn't make much
of a difference, I felt better with something to
do while I wait.
After five minutes, he still hadn’t shown up. I
felt a little unhappy as I looked at my watch.
Soon, five minutes turned to ten minutes and
he's still not here. Did he meet with an accident
on his way here? I started to become worried.
It was fifteen minutes later when he finally
showed up.
“Why are you so late?”
He wasn't even a little bothered.
“I was watching T.V.”
“What?! T.V.?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and
eat before you get me then?”
I was extremely angry and kept quiet as I didn't
take the helmet he handed me. I stood there
and stared at him.
“Sorry.”
This was the first time he said sorry to me. He
is an egotistical person and had never
apologized to a girl before. I looked at him and
felt my heart softened. I decided it is alright
since he apologized. I took the helmet and let
him sent me home.
It was typical of him to avoid explanations,
friction and quarrels between us. Since then,
the only thing he ever does is to apologize
when something is wrong. However in my
opinion, some things can't be settled with an
apology.
Despite that, I would never pursue a matter
once he apologizes. He told me that was the
first time he said sorry to a girl and while I felt
that it takes courage to admit mistakes, he
never once corrects his mistakes.
Instead, I get
the impression that sorry became a word to
shut me up.
Tears flowed down my cheeks when he
apologized to me again on the 59th time. I
dropped my head and told him,
“Please don't bother to say sorry to me again. If
you can never change your bad habits, don't let
me keep giving you chances again and again,
hoping and believing that you would change
each time.”
He held me lightly and said the 60th sorry. Even
with my outburst and his latest apology, he did
not change for the better and there still wasn’t
any explanation on his mistakes whatsoever.
I started to worry about the possibility that he
was keeping something from me.
“What's wrong with you these few days?”
“Nothing…”
“Then why are you acting so strange?”
“I am not.”
“What can you say other than giving this reply?”
“Do you know I'm very worried and very
insecure?”
“Do you treat me as your girlfriend?”
“I'm sorry...”
“I don't want to hear you say sorry again.”
I slammed the phone down and he did not call
me back. At that point of time, I felt that he
didn't even care about me. Maybe we should
just break up.
That was the 99th time he said sorry to me.
From that day onwards, I stopped calling and
looking for him.
Sometimes, I would get an anonymous phone
call. However every time I said hello, the phone
will be cut off. I think he made those calls but I
wondered why he didn’t speak up.
After a month, I couldn't contain the feelings I
still have for him anymore and went to his
school to look for him. I went to his classroom
and looked around, but there was no sign of
him.
“Excuse me, is Ron here today?”
“I'm afraid he stopped schooling.”
“Huh? Why? When was that?”
“He hasn't been in school for a month already.”
“Oh erm... Thanks.”
One month? He hasn’t been in school for one
month. Why is that so? I stumbled home in
confusion.
As soon as I got home I tried to contact him via
his cell phone but all I got was, “Sorry the caller
is currently unavailable, please leave your
message after the tone. Beep…”
I tried calling his house instead but there was
no answer. How can it be? Did his whole family
migrate? It seemed as if he has disappeared off
the face of the earth without leaving a single
trace.
I couldn't find him and just as I was feeling
distraught, my friend rang me up. He was one
of his brothers and also my good friend.
“Hey, what have you been doing? Ron is in
hospital.”
“Really? What Happened?”
“Oh he is in the hospital, the one you stayed in
previously.”
“I'll be right there.”
I rushed off and when I reached the hospital, I
saw that his parents were already there. I
asked them for his room number and flew
across the hall.
He was lying on a bed looking
at me. He didn’t speak a word nor moved a
muscle.
“Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you
contact me?”
He did not answer but stared emotionless at
me.
“Come on answer me. Why don't you speak?”
A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it
looked as though he was summoning all his
energy to mumble these words...
“I'm... Sorry...”
He shut his eyes after that.
“Hey, don't fool around alright. Why say sorry to
me?”
“Don't say sorry to me. Please wake up. Please
answer me…”
I fell down on the side of his bed and wept
miserably. I pulled his shirt as I cried out...
“Why do you have to apologize? Why don't you
give me an explanation instead?”
“I won't forgive you. Wake up! It is no use
saying sorry...”
“I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime if you
don’t wake up. Please, I beg you to open your
eyes.....”
That was the 100th sorry. A group of medical
staff, doctors and nurses pulled me away and
tried to revive him. I didn’t even have the
strength to stand up. My mind was a blank....
My eyes could only see a sea of darkness...
He did not leave this world. I merely lost the
chance to touch him. Sometimes, he will appear
in my dreams and tell me how he is doing. He is
still alive and accompanies me in my heart. He
will still laugh at my silliness and call me his
darling. It’s just that he will never apologize to
me anymore.
After a month, his mom came to look for me
and gave me a box. There were a hundred
photographs inside. Everyone had a story
behind them. It was the reason why he made
me angry.
My dear, the first time I said sorry I did not
purposely arrive late to pick you up. I know this
excuse is really lame but I didn't have the heart
to tell you the truth then. Before I stepped out
of the house, I felt a pain in my chest but I still
made it a point to meet you. Can you please
forgive me?
My dear, the second time I said sorry I...
My dear, the third time I said sorry I...
My dear, the hundredth time I said sorry I didn't
mean to leave you alone in this world. It had to
be so because God did not give me the chance
to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine and
to put a ring on your finger...
You are the first girl I apologized to and also
the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my
life. Forgive me for not being able to bring you
happiness but I will become your angel and
always look out for you. I will look at you while
you find your happiness. Please promise me not
to shed a tear. I don't want to see you weep for
me.
I Love You,
Ron
How can I not cry? What you wanted was just
impossible.
The last photograph showed him in the
hospital. Although he was skinny, the smile on
his face was as bright as ever. His face was
pale and yet he tried his best to give his last
smile on the last photo, the photo for the 100th
apology.
At the time when he needed me the most, I
wasn't with him. I'm sorry. I held the photo
tightly and cried for us.
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